Death is an expected part of life and as such, we will find ourselves in the position of dealing with grief. When death occurs, we find that our perspectives of life shift a little. We are reminded that life is short and precious. We have a tendency to forget that during our busy lives. Death, in its rude way, reminds us of it. That is why it is so important for us to work on our relationships, particularly the two most important ones – the one with God and the one with our spouse. Our relationship with God determines our place in eternity and our relationship with our spouse determines, in large part, how enjoyable our life here on earth will be.
It is difficult to move on after a death. We have all of these feelings that we do not want to feel. Many of us try to bury those feelings instead of deal with them. This is also the case with divorce. It is the death of a marriage. Like the death of a life, the death of a marriage brings feelings that we often do not want to feel – pain, anger, confusion, hate, relief, guilt, etc. The list is long. Many of us do not realize that we need to experience these feelings to heal. We do not think about divorce as being a “death” so we bury these feelings and pretend that everything is okay. But it is not. You must grieve the death of your first marriage in order to have any hope of success with your remarriage.
Grief heals you so that you can move on.
So how do we grieve from a divorce?
First, acknowledge those feelings (the grief) and remember that it is, not only okay to feel them, but essential.
Second, take the time to experience those feelings. If you did your grieving before you remarried, then you started off on the right foot. If not, there is no rule that says you cannot change that now. Just make sure that you communicate with your spouse while you are healing and be supportive if your spouse is the one that needs to heal.