“X” is for the “eX”
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“My old flame… I can’t even think of her name… But it’s funny, now and then, how my thoughts keep coming back again to my old flame…”
As I am fond of saying, remarriage is complicated by the fact that there is always baggage. The biggest bag is the ex word. No matter what kind of relationship you have with the ex – good, bad or indifferent – that baggage can cause unexpected, and even expected, issues with your remarriage. You have to be careful how you deal with an ex. This can be a minefield for everyone involved. Sometimes the littlest things can cause problems. Talking too much about an ex or dealing too much with an ex (in any fashion) can cause some nasty emotions to crop up between you and your current spouse. Anger and jealousy are two of the biggest and worst ones. They can start off small and insignificant, but if not taken care of properly, they can grow into monsters that will destroy you and your marriage.
So how do you handle the ex word?
- Always conduct yourself as an adult and a well-spoken Christian when you are dealing with your ex.
- When it comes to talking about your ex, make sure that you limit yourself to things that need to be said and don’t dwell on the ex. In fact, if you are afraid that the ex is taking a front seat role in your remarriage, you can diffuse that by making the conscious effort to put your spouse back in that number one position.
Focusing on what you and your spouse have, and focusing on all that God wants you to be, will help you keep the ex where they need to be – in the past (or far into the background). Granted, those of us with children from former marriages face a harder battle with this, but with diligence, you and your spouse can win that battle.
-Loraine Nunley
What tips do you have for dealing with an ex in your remarriage? Share with us by commenting on this post.
2 Comments
Dianna
I haven’t had to deal with this personally, but have several friends who have divorced and remarried. I’m impressed by the adult way they handle their relationships with their exes and current spouses.
Loraine
It can be a difficult dance at times Dianna. Thanks for commenting. 🙂